A married couple were lying in bed one night.
The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short intervals before turning back to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay. "The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, then what the hell were you doing ?"
Seconds before his death he says...
"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."
Chistes de spammers :D
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Little voices
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he takes a sip of his beer, he hears a tiny little voice say: "Nice tie." He looks around but sees no one. He take another sip of his beer and hears: "A nice shirt, too." Again he looks around and sees no one.
He signals the bartender over, and hesitantly explains that he's hearing voices talking to him... "Of course," smiles the bartender. "It's the peanuts -- they're complimentary."
He signals the bartender over, and hesitantly explains that he's hearing voices talking to him... "Of course," smiles the bartender. "It's the peanuts -- they're complimentary."
How to pick up woman
Man: "Have I shown you my magic watch?"
Woman: "No, what does it do?"
Man: "It tells me you are not wearing any underwear."
Woman: "Well it must be broken because I am wearing underwear!"
Man: "Hmm... It must be an hour fast."
Woman: "No, what does it do?"
Man: "It tells me you are not wearing any underwear."
Woman: "Well it must be broken because I am wearing underwear!"
Man: "Hmm... It must be an hour fast."
- Theif
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Five tips for a woman..
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.